Meet today’s podcast guest, Jessica Hetherington. She’s a life coach here in Orlando who helps you define what happiness and success means to you in your life and business.
Jessica overcame her fears when she was going through a difficult time in her life due to an illness that completely sidelined her. It wasn’t always easy, but now she helps people by sharing how you can let go of fear and doubt to live a happier life.
1) We must adjust when a situation doesn’t work out the way we planned.
Jessica has always been into psychology. She knew that she wanted to do something involved in helping people her whole life. She ended up going to college to pursue exercise science and became a personal trainer.
However, she found that people wouldn’t stick to fitness programs when she was a personal trainer. When Jessica would dig into these issues with her clients to find out why they weren’t sticking to a program, they were mostly acting out on some type of self-sabotaging behavior that had nothing to do with fitness.
Jessica realized that instead of actually helping her clients in their fitness journey, she was working with them to get their mindset and intentions correct. It made Jessica think that she should switch her focus from personal training to life coaching. While she was contemplating this career chance, life had other plans instead.
Three years ago, Jessica experienced a medical issue that left her bedridden for a while, forcing her to quit her fitness trainer job. During that time, she struggled to find what the next step in her life would be. In the end, she decided that it was finally time for her to go after a career in coaching.
To get there, Jessica hired a coach to help her figure out what to do with her life and to help her through that very difficult period where her medical issues kept her in bed. Jessica was able to stay focused on what would be next after she was better through her work with her life coach. Now she wants to help others in the same position she was in.
2) Positive thinking helps us push through tough times and focus on the future.
“The job of a coach is to believe in you, no matter what,” Jessica told me.
She recognizes that sometimes, it feels like we have nobody in our corner, not even ourselves. “We all have a comment that was said to us when we were little that changed the perception of ourselves,” Jessica said.
We tend to focus on those critiques, even if the people teasing or commenting aren’t very important. We might even begin to believe the comments if we think about them too much. These comments become internalized and they can become a limiting belief that we carry around with us.
Those moments can really change our perception of ourselves. Doubt and fear is never going to go away. But your goal is to learn how to manage it.
“There’s not a handbook that is handed to you when you’re born on how to handle life,” Jessica told me.
Pushing through difficult moments allows us to take risks and boosts our confidence. “Whenever you take risks and you uplevel in your live, your ego is like, whoa buddy, slow down.”
3) Be mindful with your life, and ask for help if you need it.
In her own words, Jessica explained the difference between a coach and a therapist:
A therapist will go into your past and help you figure out how previous situations affect you, and how these cause mental blocks.
A coach gets to know where you stand today and where you want to go. The work is very present-focused.
However, sometimes to work towards the things you want, you have to deal with an inner critic that is holding you back.
Jessica says that when the inner critic is bubbling up over something you want to do, it’s important to identify what that inner critic is saying and why it was triggered in the first place. “Your inner critic cannot predict your future.”
So just because the inner critic makes you think that you can’t do something or you’ve had trouble with something in the past, it does not mean that it predicts how you will be in the future.
On the other side of the inner critic is the courageous side of yourself. Jessica’s job as a coach is to help her clients interact with that side of the inner voice.
Jessica believes you should be able to live a thoughtful life that you don’t regret. However, it requires being very mindful and making decisions with intention and purpose. It also means you have to take responsibility for things that happen in your life. Finally, she advises that you’ll have to make bold and scary decisions to get the things you want in life.
4) Setting boundaries teaches people how we want to be treated.
Jessica feels like she is naturally a people pleaser, and she spent a lot of her life trying to get people to help her. It’s something she still struggles with, but she has worked on defining her values so she can be confident in the messages she puts out into the world.
Jessica says she loves this quote from Dr. Phil, “You teach people how to treat you,” and she says that is the essence of boundaries. What she means by that is, with every personal interaction, you are teaching people how to or how not to treat you.
Usually, when you don’t speak up for yourself, it’s because you’re afraid of some sort of rejection. That feeling stems from the idea of thinking you aren’t good enough to stand up for yourself. This might also prevent you from expressing how you want to be treated.
Setting boundaries is one of the most important things people have to get a grasp on in their lives. Usually, when we find ourselves shor ton time or money, it’s because we are not setting the right boundaries around these things in our lives based on our values, wants, and needs.
Jessica knows that not having enough time isn’t usually the problem. The problem is that you are giving away time to people who you don’t necessarily want or need to give it to.
However, boundary setting can be hard if we’re not practiced at it. This means that “sometimes you have to do it with a shaky voice,” Jessica told me, because “guilt is a theme that will run our lives if we let it.”
We might also be doubtful with our decisions, worrying about taking risks or making mistakes. Jessica mentions this is normal for us to feel this way. “We all experience fear and doubt. Every single one of us.”
So it’s important to identify fear and talk about it. The more we don’t feel so alone in our fears, the sooner we can find the courage to face them.
5) The Fearful to Fierce Summit highlighted women who overcame their fears.
In December, Jessica interviewed 20 women in a summit to talk about fear that they felt and acted on anyway.
There were many common themes throughout the summit. Everyone experiences fear. Everyone feels doubtful. Everyone feels guilty. Everyone has a story.
The biggest takeaway from Jessica is to “figure out what makes your heart sing, what you really enjoy. Know that you’re going to do it scared, but do it anyway.”
There will never be a perfect time to take a leap. Sometimes you just have to do it.
To push through her own fears, Jessica always asks herself, what is the worst that could happen? From there, she adjusts her thought process to step away from the worst-case scenarios, which are usually not as bad as we think they might be.
It’s important to ask questions and clarify things when setting boundaries. Jessica says that a lot of times people are afraid to ask questions because we don’t want to appear as needy or dumb.
Before you ask a question for something you want or need, get really clear on your intentions and the reasons why you are asking the questions. It’ll give you the confidence to go for what you want.
“Done is better than perfect,” Jessica encourages. “Do things before you think you’re ready. Invest in yourself.”
About Jessica Hetherington
Jessica Hetherington is a certified life coach who works with people to define what happiness and success means to them and have the confidence and courage to get it NOW. She is the antidote to your doubts and fears and will help you bring your vision to life.